Summer’s already in full swing, and for those who are unattached, this is primetime for the universal treat that is known as the “summer fling.”
A “fling,” in essence, pretty much means a situation is disposable, or to be less harsh, that there’s an expiry date attached to your sexy shenanigans. However, if you’re familiar with the movie, Grease, you know that some summer lovin’ can last longer than the warm months, and has the potential to turn into something real—as well as a full-blown, muscle car musical.
Whether you’re already involved with a summer fling, or thinking about it (there’s still time!), I rounded up top Toronto relationship psychologist, Nicole McCance, for tips on how to have the best summer fling ever. Yes, ever.
WHY SHOULD YOU HAVE A SUMMER FLING ANYWAY?
As Canadians, we only have so much time to spend enjoying the warm weather, so you might be wondering whether or not it’s worth it to get involved with someone, but, as McCance points out, “Summer is just better with a companion! Someone to make memories and enjoy adventures with. No drama, no pressure, just fun.” Also, a summer fling might indeed be your thing if you’re looking to try out new experiences this season without the pressure of a relationship.
“When dating someone new you are also more likely to participate in new activities that you likely wouldn’t if you were settled in a long-term relationship,” says McCance. “You go out more and step outside your comfort zone in an effort to impress her, such as taking a cooking class, salsa lessons or trying hot yoga. It’s a great way to get to know yourself better and woman in general with little pressure to commit.”
BE CLEAR WITH WHAT YOU WANT
Before embarking on a summer fling, you gotta state your intentions. It’s a must, according to McCance. “Be clear and communicate your intentions,” she says. “My male clients often tell me they are having a summer fling but they don’t communicate this intention to the woman, breaking her heart in the end. This can lead to him feeling guilty and potential drama.” Don’t be that guy. You know the one who’s all like, “But I thought she knew!” Women aren’t mind readers. Tell her there’s an expiry date upfront/right now.
ARE YOU IN A SUMMER FLING AND JUST DON’T KNOW IT?
Maybe you’ve started seeing a woman this summer, and now that you’re reading this article, you’re beginning to wonder, “Am I enjoying a summer fling, or could this be something else (something more)?” Well, if you’re just banging in the sunshine and like to keep things light with her, chances are, it’s just a fling.
“You are enjoying a summer fling when you find yourself not thinking about a future with her,” McCance says. “Instead you keep thinking about sex with her and all the sunny adventures you can have together. When you are with her, you are less interested in getting to know her and more interested in having fun.” So if she ever asks you about your parents or what was your favourite childhood toy, and you always change the subject to the latest episode of Justified, then, yeah, you’re in a fling, dude.
BUT WHAT IF IT IS SOMETHING MORE?
OK, so you’re involved with a woman this summer, and you’ve read the above, and you’re thinking, “Yeah, I like having sex with her and all, but I also like to talk to her—and about real stuff! So, how do I know if it’s more than a summer fling?”
If you’re thinking about the future with her (and not just what new sex position you’re going to try with her later) that’s your first clue, according to McCance. That, and “you want to know if she is dating anyone else. You enjoy being connected to her. You want to know all about her. You feel at home when you are in her presence. You even catch yourself thinking about her meeting your family.” If any of this rings true, then, yep—you’ve met your Sandy.
SHOULD YOU EVEN CONSIDER A SUMMER FLING?
Sure, a summer fling sounds all sun, surf, and sex on paper, but is it the kind of situation that is truly suitable for you? A summer fling isn’t going to satiate you if you’re looking for a long-term relationship, that’s for sure. Also, says McCance, if your current summer squeeze is actually your type and someone who you could fall in love with, it might be time to break things off. ”Best to have a summer fling with a woman who is not your type, that way you don’t risk falling for her and getting hurt when it ends.”
The original article appeared on Daily XY.