"Don’t make stuff because you want to make money — it will never make you enough money. And don’t make stuff because you want to get famous — because you will never feel famous enough. Make gifts for people — and work hard on making those gifts in the hope that those people will notice and like the gifts.
Maybe they will notice how hard you worked, and maybe they won’t — and if they don’t notice, I know it’s frustrating. But, ultimately, that doesn’t change anything — because your responsibility is not to the people you’re making the gift for, but to the gift itself."
Were you ever so telepathically connected to a woman while having sex with her that everything you did brought her to a state of pure bliss every single time?
I didn’t think so.
Sex doesn’t really work that way. Sure, we all have our go-to moves that have never gotten any complaints before (at least, not to our faces) and which make us feel like we totally got this (the “this”, meaning the orgasm), but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we do. And to make matters worse for you fellas (as if our equipment wasn’t finicky enough for you), some women, either due to insecurity or fear, won’t communicate to you what she truly desires from you to get off.
Now, I know you want to be the best sex she’s ever had. The kind of sex that, if you break up with her, and she’s married to someone else with a bunch of kids, you’re still the one she wet dreams about. So that’s why I enlistedOhh Canada’s Katrina McKay to provide you with these five signature moves that will leave her coming back for more (and, you bet your ass that’s a double entendre).
TALK HER INTO IT … NO, NOT LIKE THAT
Communication is one of the most important, and fairly easy, ways to get your woman all hot and bothered. “If you want to get her in the mood, start by teasing and tantalizing her big, sexy … brain,” says McKay. “Send her a sexy text message hours before you’ll see each other. Compliment her on her hot body or her bedroom eyes, and tell her you can’t wait until the two of you are alone. Tell her what you want to do to please her. She’ll be thinking about you all day and counting down the minutes until you’re together.” And then don’t be surprised when she walks through the door and immediately pounces on you before she takes off her heels.
Thanks to the massive success of Fifty Shades of Grey, we now all know—finally!—that women are down, and getting down, to erotica. So why not partake in some leisurely reading? “Check out a pornographic, but beautifully illustrated erotic comic like Lost Girls by Alan Moore,” suggests McKay. “Page through it together in bed—laugh a little, cuddle, touch … and allow yourselves to get aroused. The rest will come naturally.” Okay, so the “leisure” part won’t last for very long. That’s a good thing.
LUBE IT UP
Lube is one of those things that a lot of couples say they’re going to use, but don’t end up using for whatever reason. And because of that, women often get the, er, dry end of the stick. “As a guy, you know that lube or lotion during a hand job makes all the difference. So return the favour,” says McKay. “Use a little lube on your fingers and your lips before kissing her … uh, lower lips. Often using a bit of high quality lube will help to get her natural juices flowing. And how sexy is that? Very.”
TRY A DIFFERENT KIND OF MASSAGE
Giving your partner a massage is probably already part of your repertoire, but there’s a different kind of massage in which the giver enjoys just as much as the receiver—the Nuru massage. “In “nuru,” an ancient form of body-to-body erotic massage from Japan, you use your whole body against her whole body using a super slippery gel,” McKay says. “In fact, the word “nuru” loosely translates as “slippery.” While you can use any massage oil, nuru is way more effective if you use Nuru Gel which is designed for the purpose, along with a Nuru Sheet so that you can slide around easily. I promise this will get both of your hearts pumping—it’s sensual, naughty and novel all at the same time.” It’s like a Slip ‘N Slide for adults, and you remember how fun those used to be.
KEEP YOUR CLOTHES … ON
Usually the clothes are the first things to come off when you’re in the middle of getting naughty with your girl, but what if you left them on instead? And, no, not your Sunday Funday outfit of a college T-shirt and sweatpants. We’re referring to you donning a sick suit to please your lady and playing the part of the sexy mofo you are. “Dress in your best and put on that cologne she loves. Undress her … first with your eyes and then with your hands and teeth, but keep your clothes on,” says McKay. “There’s something so sexy about a man in a suit that us ladies just can’t resist. Focus all of your attention on her, and only undress the parts of you needed to give her the best sex of her life. Then give her a long, drawn-out tease by kissing her all over her body, and maybe even playfully using some accessories on her most sensitive areas. And only when she begs you should you undo your fly.”
This article was originally published on Daily XY.
A few weeks ago, I went out with a guy who is also a work acquaintance. We had some drinks, split an app, talked about university, our careers, travel—the type of topics that are personal but not that personal. At the end of the night, we walked back to the train station, and as we bid each other good night, he said something to me that left me stunned, confused and a little pissed: “I wasn’t sure if this was a date or not.”
In my opinion, we were two work acquaintances getting to know each other and enjoying each other’s company. There had been no mention of a “date” or anything else to suggest there were possible romantic undertones to our meeting. If he didn’t know what we were doing, I sure as hell didn’t know either.
I hate to say it, but that wasn’t the first time I’ve been out on a date without my knowledge of it being a date. Back in acting school, I had a scene partner named Matt. We discovered that we both grew up in the GTA, were big fans of Kings of Leon and loved “The Godfather” trilogy, so we bonded pretty quickly. We hung out a lot, even partook in introducing Canadian Thanksgiving to our American friends, but nothing romantic ever transpired between us.
Then one night, Matt took me to this fancy restaurant I had mentioned to him months earlier before. We shared a three-course meal and a couple of bottles of wine—all of which Matt insisted he pay for. It wasn’t until we were getting into a cab when Matt sprung his true intentions for me with the old “you’re going back to my place” bit. Not only did I have to break it to him that “Uh, no, I’m not,” I also had to face that fact that my hang-outs with Matt obviously meant something very different to him than they had to me.
I felt guilty and upset that I had hurt Matt’s feelings, and we ultimately “broke up,” which sucked because I lost a good friend. But that’s the thing: I wasn’t just a friend to Matt, and I had no idea he felt that way! I honestly believe that if Matt had only been clear with his intentions from the get-go, a lot of heartache could have been spared.
But that uncertainty, that ambiguous “what are we doing?” is a prime example of how fucked up our current dating world is: no one has a goddamn clue if they’re dating or just “hanging out.” And, according to some studies that were published earlier this year, this Cupid confusion is pretty much an epidemic. Courtships are more casual now than they were back in our parents’ day. Our moms were telephoned by suitors and explicitly asked, “What are you doing on Friday night? I’d like to take you out on a date.” We get a text that says, “’Sup? Where R U?”
Sure, we can blame texting, Tweeting and our lazy reliance on simplistic emoticons to express complex human emotions. It’s easy to get swept up by the idea that if we “hang out” with a person a lot, then he must like like us, or how to get hopeful and romantic over a single smiley face (even if that does sound slightly pathetic). The real truth of this dating dilemma is that we–our insecure, scared, complicated selves—are to blame.
We all know how scary it is to lay our hearts on the line, and risk being rejected. Being “vulnerable” and “intimate” (and I don’t mean sexually) makes us squeamish and scared. However, we need to assert our desires and intentions to one another because we deserve to be truthful—to ourselves, and to people we’re interested in. In the end, it will help us get where we want to go romantically without wasting time in Love Limbo. Love Limbo suuuuucks. No one’s ever happy or satisfied there, and we are all worthy of being immensely happy and very, verrrry satisfied in our love lives.
So next time you want to date someone, say to her, “Do you want to go out on a date with me?” That way, you both know exactly what’s going down, and no one is left feeling duped and/or like shit. And if you actually do that on the phone rather than via text, you get major bonus points.
The original article was published on She Does The City.
With the very, very sad news of Robin Williams’ death, someone who brought so much joy and laughter to others, who, in the end, couldn’t bring that same light to his life, there’s a new spotlight on depression. So let’s talk about it for a sec.
If you’ve read any of my recent articles for She Does The City, you might have noticed that either I was going through a soul metamorphosis, or maybe you might have thought “Brianne, you in danger, girl.” It was a little bit of both.
Now, I don’t want to be one of those people who turns something tragic and makes it all about them. You know how that intern on “The Good Wife” bawled and bawled over Will’s death and Diane was so disgusted with her dramatic antics that she fired her? I don’t want to be like her. At all. But I do want to talk about depression because I think that’s the problem — we don’t talk about it.
Depression is real, depression is serious, and I’ve recently suffered from it.
At first, I was just sleeping in a little bit more than I used to…which lasted for a month. Then, I couldn’t concentrate on my writing. Assignments became difficult to complete. The idea of even pitching a new story was so daunting that I’d rather take a nap. I’d be out with my friends, but I was so unaffected with what was going on, meaning I felt like I was alone despite the company around me, I soon became a recluse. Going out, being around people, basically, life, just seemed too. hard. And then there was the crying. I’m emotional person anyway, but when I found myself crying over nothing — like, at (over?) a wall! A wall! — I knew something wasn’t quite right.
I thought I was just “going through something.” And then I blamed Mercury Retrograde for my somber mood. And my break-up. There was always, conveniently, something else that could “explain” my sadness/helplessness/numbness.
You see, depression runs in my family, on both sides, and for all of my life, I’ve been acutely aware of it, and mostly scared of “catching” it. I didn’t want to be depressed. Depression scared me, but it also shamed me.
"Oh, I’m depressed," is kind of a thing that’s thrown around by people when they’re getting the sads, and for the most part, it’s often ignored, or brushed aside, like it’s something you’ll just get over it. No big deal. Or when we’re living in a world where people are suffering from such horrible diseases such as cancer, it feels like depression isn’t "that bad."
But it is that bad. And it is a big deal.
I thought if I told those who are closed to me (and those who are not, like whoever reads this post) that people would think that I’m a “basket case” or “unhinged.” The truth is, that was my projection — that’s what I thought I would look like to myself! And it scared the shit out of me. But not seeking help scared me even more.
So, I finally talked about it. I talked to a therapist, who, confirmed I had definite signs of depression, but it was manageable to defeat. She put me on a plan to get my life back together again, which included going out with friends, taking daily walks, and tackling daily tasks one at a time. I even reached out to friends and shared what I was going through, and guess what? They got it. They supported me. In some cases, some of them had even gone through it themselves.
It’s been a few weeks, and I am relieved/happy/hopeful that I feel like I’m back on track, and closer to being my old self again.
The bottom line: if you are feeling sad, talk about it. Reach out to friends, family, professional services. You are not alone.
If you feel sad, please PLEASE don’t be afraid to tell your friends, “Hey, I’m feeling sad. Can you take me out to a movie? Lend an ear? Give a hug?” And if they don’t do that, or understand, then they’re sacks of shit. But, I’m pretty sure they’ll be at your door in a flash with a Robin Williams movie, so you can remember what it’s like to laugh again.
If you’re in a dating slump, you might want to shake up your dating M.O.
I’d be willing to wager that your romantic rut is the result of you dating the same type of gal over and over. I get it. We all get comfortable, but “comfortable” isn’t conducive to a successful dating life. I mean, I love wearing my favourite grey, ratty American Apparel T-shirt, but, as much as I find it cozy and comforting, I can’t expect to wear it 24/7 because a) it doesn’t go with everything in my closet and b) it will start to stink and people won’t invite me out anywhere. Bottom line: dating the same type of woman doesn’t allow you to grow and evolve, so it might be time for you to try on a totally different woman for size. Plus, dating different types of women helps you decide what you truly want when it comes to the big “C” (commitment).
So, go ahead, shuffle that dating playlist of yours. Here’s a list of the five types of women every guy should date (even just once!).
THE SEX GODDESS
She loves men and she loves sex, and, yes, she does exist. She’s not crass, just creative. She’s like Samantha from Sex and the City—she doesn’t use sex to manipulate men, she just wants sex. Period.
Why You Need To Date Her: To basically get her out of your system, so you can realize that sex alone—even good sex—cannot sustain a relationship. And learning some pretty hot sex moves to add to your repertoire won’t hurt either.
She’s brainy and not afraid to show it. She graduated in university in three years AND she was the class valedictorian. She gets off on participating in heated debates over Middle East politics and is the one to beat at, well, everything. From Trivial Pursuit to chess, she’s a born winner.
Why You Need To Date Her: She’s the one who will make it worth your while in choosing brains over beauty. Her arguing skills and her insane encyclopaedia-like brain might intimidate you at first, but that’s a good thing. She’ll challenge you and cause you to grow in ways you’ve never experienced before with a woman.
THE NO BULLSHIT WOMAN
She lives her life according to her own rules, and she’s not afraid to tell you like it is. She’s blunt, yes, but she’s also honest. She doesn’t beat around the bush about anything, including the dating game. Hell, she’ll probably ask you out.
Why You Need To Date Her: She’ll teach you how to communicate with the opposite sex. You’ll always know where you stand with her, and that will only benefit you on how to be with your future partners (meaning no games!). Plus, it’s refreshing to be with someone who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to ask for it.
THE FREE SPIRIT
She loves her life—actually, she loves life in general. She’s spiritual and spontaneous, and probably an artist of some sort. She relies on instinct and intuition, and is concerned with making deep connections with the world around her.
Why You Need To Date Her: She will teach you to chillax. Men usually tend to be goal-oriented, so her lifestyle and outlook on life will teach you to loosen up a bit and not everything has to go to according to plan. Her enchanting spirit might also reveal a romantic and creative side that you never knew you had.
THE GUY’S GIRL
She’s like a good buddy, and might actually be one of your friends. She’s the girl who you can totally be yourself around, and the one who you have loads in common with, like watching Fargo and cheering on your fave hockey team. She makes you laugh and laughs at all your jokes, and she probably swears like a sailor.
Why You Need To Date Her: She will help you drop your defences and make you realize that you can be friends with a romantic partner. She’ll teach you how to be your complete self around a woman, which is basically what every woman wants anyway.
Just remember that the right “type” of woman is out there for you. Hint: she’s probably the one who makes you feel Pharrell-type happy.
The original article was published on Daily XY.
I’m the type of person who believes that everything happens for a reason and “there’s gotta be a lesson in there,” no matter how shitty the circumstances, and “yes, I will give you the benefit of the doubt,” no matter how shitty the person. My articles for the last couple of weeks can attest to that. But as much as I am all about evolving and self-discovery, sometimes I just have to BITCH SHIT OUT. (And, actually, it’s a scientific fact that swearing is good for you, soooo…)
The following is my bitch list. The stuff that no amount of chanting/smudging/voodoo-doll-stabbing can help. Indulge me.
Nick on The Bachelorette—Why are you SO ANNOYING?! You made the After the Final Rose live show all ABOUT YOU! I know you got your needy, dweeby heart broken, but I could have done without the shots of you on a dock pondering your existence. And calling out Andi for sleeping—sorry, “making love”—with you, but ultimately not picking you? Not cool, man. You look like you’re a serial killer mug shot waiting to happen and you are such an idiot that it hurts my body.
Pimples—I don’t care how cool I am about being over 30, adult acne sucks ass. Adult acne, maybe I could accept you if the other shitty stuff about adolescence had dissipated by now—i.e. cliques, mean girls, guys who just want to “hang out”—but they’re still fucking things up so I HATE YOU, YOU MAKE ME FEEL MISERABLE, and no, concealer doesn’t help because I know you’re still there. YOU’RE ALWAYS THERE!
Person-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named Who Didn’t Keep His Word—I know you’re a busy “man” (more like “man-boy,” but let’s not get into THAT). And I’m sure you weren’t impressed when I pointed out some shitty behavioural patterns of yours, BUT you did say you would do the thing that you were going to do, and you know that it’s the right thing to do—so just FUCKING DO IT! Be a man of your word. Have some goddamn integrity, and, maybe for the first time in your life, have some FUCKING FOLLOW-THROUGH.
Justin Bieber—WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU CAN’T EVEN HAVE A REAL BAR BRAWL! I HATE THAT YOU’RE CANADIAN! WHY DO YOU HAVE UGLY TATTOOS? PLEASE GO TO TIBET AND FIND YOURSELF (OR DISAPPEAR FOREVER).
Knee Hair—Why must you taunt me?! No matter how close I think I get to the skin with my razor, no matter how many uncomfortable, yogi- styles I must bend my body in, dry shaving, wet shaving, there you remain, shining in the sun like tall weeds on an otherwise smooth, manicured lawn. FUCK YOU, KNEE HAIR.
People/Companies Who Pay Artists in “Exposure,” Not Money (Also, Clients/Companies Who Don’t Pay Out Promised Monies) —How dare you not value people’s talent and time? There’s expecting people to pay their dues and then there’s just being really fucking cheap. Imagine getting a manicure and saying, “I’ll pay for it in exposure!” Or telling that to the mechanic who just changed your tires. No one does that because it’s not right. Everyone’s contribution to the world/society/your company should be compensated. Period. We all have intrinsic worth and WE SHOULD GET FUCKING PAID!
Exercise—The bane of my existence. You. Just. Fucking. SUCK BALLS!
Okay, that feels better.
The original article was published on She Does The City.